From the Book of Tortellini



“Never focus on the things you cannot have. If you are lactose intolerant, do not despair that you cannot have ravioli stuffed with cheese. Rather, be grateful that you can have spaghetti or vegan lasagna.”

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not a negative god. He doesn’t want to load you down with commandments about things you shouldn’t do. Rather, He would prefer that you focus on things you should do. He feels that this is more uplifting. And of course, the quest of humans is -and should always be- to focus on goals rather than limitations.

Remember that the guidelines on how to live are in every part of this bible. Some of the things He wished to say were better communicated by a holiday. Some were better communicated with a parable. Still others were best explained by describing His ideal churches and His ideas on the best ways to worship. The lists of suggestions are just things that didn’t fit elsewhere.

Cheat Sheet:

1. It’s Better If You Find A Thing You Are Good At
2. It’s Better If You Live in Harmony With the World
3. It’s Better If You Make Art
4. It’s Better If You Lead An Untethered Life
5. It’s Better If You Work Together



1. It’s Better If You Find A Thing You are Good At

In your life, there will be things that people push you into. Maybe your parents really want you to be a Linguine person. Maybe you teachers shove you in the direction of Farfalle. And just maybe you think long flat noodles and bowties are not where your strengths lie.

That is okay.

Go try your hand at Manicotti, Fusilli, or Orzo! Experiment and give your dreams a shot. However, admit when you fail. Sometimes you will go out and try Macaroni, and you will find out that its just not your thing. Be honest and realize that you made a mistake, as we all do from time to time. Admit that it’s not for you, and try something else.

The ugly truth is that we’re not all suited to chemistry. By the same token, we can’t all be engineers. And the guy with one lung? He shouldn’t be trying to race in the Olympics against people with two lungs. The idea that you should follow your dream no matter what is decidedly unhelpful. Instead, you should try your hardest and put in honest work. And if you still fail, then you should try something else.

We’re not all artists. Some of us can watch YouTube tutorials and draw for a thousand hours and still be bad. I (the prophet Violet Johnson) have tremors due to a health condition, and when I draw the pencil shakes and my lines go all wrong.

That is okay.

The FSM showed me that even though I wanted to be a painter, my gift was elsewhere. Instead, I am painting pictures in the minds of people with my words. We all have value. Every one of us can contribute to society. The problem is that sometimes a guy who would be a really good plumber is stuck doing accounting. He’s not suited to sitting at a desk, and he doesn’t like the 9am to 5pm grind. He’s bad at office politics. Yet, he let his parents push him into college and into being an accounting major, and now he’s feeling trapped in a cubicle farm rather than working from a van and being free to make appointments around when he wants to work.

Don’t let others push their dreams on you, and don’t keep trying at things that you find you are not suited to. Find something you are good at! Look for that thing that you do well, and then use it to benefit your fellow humans and leave your mark on the world.

Sometimes the thing you are good at is doing something that no one else wants to with less disgust than others. A person working at a recycling plant is going to smell some smells that are horrible every day. They may not enjoy it, but it’s also possible that they can handle it better at something than others. There is reason for pride in that. Sometimes the best we can do is to be better at tolerating something gross than others. And because it is a job that few people can do, those types of jobs should pay better than others. Seriously, pay people with dirty jobs better.

Note: Also remember to be patient with yourself. Sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something. If you think you want to do something, put in the hours to really learn before you decide that it’s not for you.


2. It’s better if you live in harmony with the planet.

A lot of people look at the planet as something to consume. For example, people want to destroy National Parks in order to go mining for various minerals. The FSM hopes you realize that we have quite enough minerals above-ground already, and that if you would just recycle the ones you have already used, then you wouldn’t need to dig up more.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster was a being of pure energy who came from space. However, he was very taken with Earth from the moment that he saw it. Humans should really get out more. If they do, they’ll realize how special their planet is. Nestled in the Goldie Locks zone around the star Sol, the Earth was lucky enough to have a good composition of elements, and a random convergence of unlikely circumstances which allowed for life to evolve.

In other words: The Earth is very rare, and it is very precious. When humans think of the Earth as something to be consumed and used up, it makes His Noodliness weep huge, wet tears of sauce.

Nothing could be more wrong.

The Earth is not meant to be consumed. In fact, it is meant to be cared for. Humans should be the steward of the planet and ensure its health through good actions and choices.

Go green!
Fight against wars, pollution, and other things that hurt the Earth!
Advocate for nuclear disarmament!
And above all, limit your consumption to only the things you need!
Use reusable things whenever possible, and never dispose of dangerous things improperly!

The Earth is, in the opinion of His Noodliness, the most beautiful planet in the universe. Don’t fuck it up.


3. It’s Better If You Make Art

Some people like pottery. Some like music. Some like drawing or painting. Some prefer to write stories or poetry. The Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn’t care what kind of art you make. Weld motorcycle parts into flowers or make turtle sculptures out of shells. What you do is less important than the fact that you are taking time to create.

His Noodliness just wants you to make beautiful things that will shape culture. You could make movies and video games, or wall scrolls and embroidery. Everything you create and share with your fellow humans adds to the conversation.

Think of it like this: There are millions of lovely little humans. All of you have thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This means that all of you have wisdom of one kind of another. So, if each human finds a kind of art that can help express their wisdom, then they can share it with the world.

This is vital.

It is so important to add to the overall conversation that we are all having. Each human should make a real effort to contribute in whatever way is easiest for them. Your voices are authentic and without agenda. You simply want to share your life and to show what knowledge you have gathered along your journey. This is the kind of thing that needs to be glorified more in culture.

If all of you beautiful humans choose not share your stories with the world, then the conversation ends of being dominated by voices with agendas of profit and control (such as corporations and governments.)

All the governments on Earth have agendas, and they say a lot of things in the overall conversation. All religions have agendas, and they are constantly having a say in the overall conversation. Corporations are the most insidious, and they are constantly adding to the conversation in direct and also subliminal ways.

Unless you speak up, the conversation that we are all having as a species will be completely dominated by entities with agendas!

Since government and corporate agendas are largely about subjugation and control, the FSM thinks this is very bad. Drown out the voices of the entities with agendas who want to manipulate you. Fill the world with your writing, your photographs, your gardens, your performance art, or whatever else you can do to speak to the universe!

Whatever else you do in life, just make time to make art. Don’t allow yourself to be silenced or lulled into complacency.


4. It’s Better If You Lead an Untethered Life.

This is a hard one. When you are born, you are programmed by society. You are assigned a nationality, a religion, a gender, a race, a social class, and all kinds of other totally arbitrary things. These things are the hand you are dealt, and it is where you start.

Everyone has to start somewhere. However, the FSM asks that you should work to break free of those things and work to become simply “Human.” Not a white human or a black human. Not a Muslim human or a Buddhist human. Just a Human, who is a citizen of the world. This is imperative in order to rise above tribalism and see the
world as it is.

All those labels and classifications that are put on you are like filters that someone puts in front of your eyes. While you have the filters in front of you, you can’t see everything. For example: It is possible that a person who is white might not see the suffering of black people clearly, because they are playing the video game of life on “easy,” and they haven’t risen above that to look around.

It’s important to realize the real consequences of labeling and categorizing people, so you should always pick your head up and look around. See if you can look at someone else’s life and realize how different their experiences might be because of their breasts, or their skin color, or where they were born. Really try to take off your filters and see.

In addition, lead a life free of clutter.

Don’t horde things. Try to keep the amount of possessions that you have down to what you really need, so that you don’t spend too much time thinking about objects. Objects really aren’t very important. They can be burned up in a fire, lost in a flood, or destroyed in an earthquake. Besides all that, you cannot derive true happiness from them.

Remember that the things that are inhabited with consciousness are the most important things! Your car is not conscious, but your pet is. If you had to choose between saving your car or your pet, the FSM hopes you would choose your pet. If you had to choose between your TV and your friends, He hopes you would choose your friends. Always place the most value on things that can think and feel. Consciousness is made whole through the ways in which it touches other consciousness.

You should also be untethered geographically.

His Noodliness does not mean that you have to live in a tent and travel the world (although you absolutely can and it is fun to do so.) He means that you should try not to be limited within your mind by the place that you live. If you live in a forest, do not only worry about local concerns like logging. We must think globally. Instead of getting trapped in a small world, you should always try to see The Bigger Picture.

Worry about oil pipelines leaking, tar sands polluting water, and the oceans dying because of CO2 buildup. It’s all part of the same biosphere. Remember, we are more than just talking piles of meat. His Noodliness The Flying Spaghetti Monster was attracted to Earth because its life was conscious. He wishes you to use that gift to the fullest, and to be as conscious as possible. So please, do your best to lead an untethered life.


5. It’s Better If You Work Together

Of course, the best has been saved for last. All of you wonderful humans are part of a sea of humanity, and you can do great things when you work together. There are many reasons why, but the most important reason is that you need each other.

Humans have amassed a great deal of knowledge. This is great! But it’s too much knowledge to fit into a single human. One person cannot make the bread, plow the fields, design the websites, and deliver the packages. One person cannot study archaeology, design buildings, and fly planes.

Humans must specialize in order to get really good at something and to hopefully become proficient enough in a thing to advance the knowledge of all of humanity in that one area.

Example: The guys who invented airplanes (the Wright brothers) were good guys. Airplanes are lovely. However, we have learned a lot about aerodynamics since then, and it is now a field that requires intense study to become knowledgeable. For a person to design a really cool new plane or advance the study of flying it would take a lifetime.  This is because there is so much that they have to learn first about what has already been done.

Therefore, a person who wants to advance the field of aerodynamics has no time to do anything else.

However, the rest of us still want to fly in airplanes, even though we did not invent them, we do not build them, and we might not even understand how they fly. We want to use them as a tool to get from one place to another over lots of land or ocean. So, we need the people who devote their lives to the study of planes. All humans as a collective need them. We need the people who create TV shows for us to watch. We need the people who film movies. We need the folks who build roads, and the people who make toilets, and the people who run nightclubs. Each and every human is doing a thing, and that thing matters.

Imagine if you were alone on a barren planet. You simply couldn’t have a cell phone and a garbage disposal and a sewer system without help. Even if you could make an okay life for yourself all alone, you couldn’t have the kind of life that you have now.

Your quality of life depends on other people.

You need other people. This is a fundamental fact of life. Unless you want to give up your clean water and your computer and your clothes, you need to accept that you are part of a society, and that we all depend on each other in order to have the things that we have. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is very upset by people who claim that they “did everything on their own.” No one but lonely mountain men do everything on their own, and even they are working with an education that others took the time to give them.

Respect your fellow humans and recognize that you need them. Work together with them. If you do this, you will be happier.

Of course, people do need some kind of government. Some people will be busy building robots and some people will choose to spend their time raising and teaching children. However, someone must exist to organize things for the community. This person can be randomly selected by a lottery for a short amount of time, or it can be their life’s work. They can be democratically elected by a popular vote. The FSM doesn’t care how you organize it. Just make sure that each community has a person in charge of making sure that your community runs smoothly. And make sure there is a way for the people to get rid of them if they are bad at their job. (Although it should be noted that the FSM likes Bernie Sanders- in case you wonder what direction he leans.)

Note: Don’t just work together; connect with each other! In-person connections between humans are so important. It improves a human’s quality of life so much to connect with other humans in person, even if it is hard at first.



The takeaway here is that there are things you can do to lead a better and more Pastafarian life. If you find something you are good at, live in harmony with the planet, make art, lead an untethered life, and work together; happiness will come more easily to you.

For the most part, you do have control over your own level of happiness in life. You just have to do things that make you feel good about yourself and the world. Following the principles of Pastafarianism can do that.

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