The Unitarian Church of Pasta
The Unitarian Church of Pasta is based on the words of His Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (or The FSM for short.) It is an inclusive text that seeks to embrace all people, no matter what gods they follow or what they already believe. Pastafarianism is meant to be added to the life you already live, and does not seek to take anything away from you.
To ensure that this is quite clear to you, you need to know that this bible is for:
1. Those who already believe in His Noodliness.
2. Those who believe in Nothing.
3. Those who believe in other gods.
No matter what you believe, please take the time to hear His words and think about them. The hope is that no matter what you believe about the universe, there are things in here that you can help you along your journey. Pasta is for everyone.
This New Testament of Pastafarianism was deemed necessary by our Devine Carbohydrate after there were some misunderstandings about his previous attempts to inspire humans, or call them to action. The words within this book are meant to set the record straight on what is His will, but they are in no way combative against the original church. The FSM is not the first god to end up clarifying things later on, and He feels that all those who were already Pastafarian will appreciate His words here as much as they appreciated what came before.
So, sit back, relax, and open your mind and your heart! Let yourself give the FSM a chance, even if you feel skeptical. No one thinks they are going to be touched by His Noodly Appendage at first, but He will surprise you.
The story begins with where the FSM came from, and how he came to be on Earth.
The History of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster began as a being of pure energy, and has existed since the Big Bang. At first, He lived among the planets and danced with the stars in the vacuum of space. He had many adventures in the galaxies in our ever-expanding universe, and He was happy.
However, when he saw Earth and the life evolving there, He fell in love with it! No other planet had ever caught His eye in the time since the universe began, but Earth was so beautiful and complex that He decided to stay. He wanted to use his immense power to help Earth and its inhabitants in whatever way He could.
There were five major extinction events before the Holocene extinction (which is happening now.) The Flaying Spaghetti Monster wept huge tears of pasta sauce during all of them, and the sauce fell upon the Earth. He is invested in the species of this planet and their well-being. It should be noted that He is not like other gods who only care for humans. The Flying Spaghetti Monster cares for all creatures that fly or crawl or walk on the Earth. He loves all the animals in the ocean as well. He secretly favors turtles, but that is neither here nor there.
The point is: His Devine Noodliness The FSM has been present on Earth since life began, and He has loved this planet and protected it as best as he could.
For much of the 4.5 billion years that the Earth has existed, The Flying Spaghetti Monster chose not to take corporeal form. He simply acted upon the world in his natural form, as a being of energy. However, it became clear to Him over time that the only gods who got any respect had bodies. It was for this reason that The Flying Spaghetti Monster finally came to us in the flesh (or, rather, in the pasta.)
He made himself known to a human in Kansas several years ago in order to help that human win over the school board at his child’s school. That was the first time that The Flying Spaghetti Monster ever altered the course of human events directly. However, since then, He has put his noodly appendages into a lot more pies. If you have seen a news article about a human with a colander on his head, then you have seen evidence of The Flying Spaghetti Monster emerging in culture.
Since His Noodliness has chosen to be pasta and sauce, it has become a sort of prayer to Him each time you enjoy a pasta. Therefore, please remember the next time that you eat a lasagna, manicotti, or a bowl of ziti that it is in His name that all pasta is consumed since the moment that He became a god of pasta and sauce. In a way, nearly everyone has already prayed to Him- they just didn’t know it.
Like most religions, Pastafarianism is not only one thing. It is important to note that Pastafarianism does have sects within it. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is largely okay with this, however. He would prefer that everyone agreed, but He understands that this may not be possible. As long as people are spreading His word, He is happy to embrace all people who want His love. The only goal of the FSM is to help humans and the other life on Earth, and He does not want to offend or upset anyone.