In the Unitarian Church of Pasta, we celebrate High Holidays, Lesser Holidays, and Minor Holidays. As we have talked about the others, it is now time to learn about His Noodliness’s favorite type of holiday: The Lesser Holidays. These are fun because they add in a little bit of joy to otherwise boring bits of time in your life.
In Pastafarianism, there are several minor holidays that you may choose to celebrate. Here is a list.
April Fool’s Day (April 1st)
This is a day that exists for the sake of humanity’s lighter side. Every pantheon on Earth had a trickster god, so it would seem that pranks and tricks are an essential part of the human experience. The Flying Spaghetti Monster would ask that you do not hurt each other. However, he thinks that jokes within reason can be fun and exciting. The Pastafarian Calendar kicks off in January, but these holidays are listed in the order that His Noodliness brought them up, rather than in some more logical order. I wanted to stay as true to His Word as I could.
Pi Day (March 14th)
This is a holiday to celebrate the Universal Constants like Pi, which are things that every sentient life form eventually figures out because they are essential truths of the Universe. Imagine how amazing it is that some jelly being on the planet Glorp will discover the same Universal Constants as humans! So bake and eat pies, and celebrate the math the unites all of the Universe under one set of common laws.
Star Wars Day (May 4th)
May 4th, and to a lesser degree the Revenge of the 5th, are a good time to enjoy the Star Wars franchise. It wasn’t really about space as much as it was about politics and religion, but it connected with the common human and that is important. We should all ponder how that happened so we can find ways to inspire the common human to care more about important things like space, the Earth, and science.
Devil’s Night (October 30th)
This is a holiday was celebrated with violence in Detroit, but the FSM would prefer that you not do violent things. The part he liked was the bonfires. Having (safe and controlled) bonfires in your yard and gazing into the flames is a good way to celebrate this holiday. Fire connects humans with thousands of years of history, as humans have been sitting around fires and gazing into the flames since the first human made the first fire. It should be noted that while they are not required, the FSM does not discourage smores.
Halloween (October 31st)
This holidays takes traditions from around the world, but has become organized into a festival of wonderful things. Children dressing up and trick-or-treating warms the FSM down to his meatballs. He loves communities coming together to decorate their homes and give treats to the children who turn up. He also loves carving pumpkins, and adults dressing up and having parties. It is a night of imagination and fun, and it is truly his favorite of the lesser holidays. Also, feel tree to dress as a turtle at least once.
The Day of The Dead (November 1st and 2nd)
This is a tradition that has roots in Latin culture and Catholicism. It is actually two holidays, and Nov 1st is meant to be The Day of Innocents. However, the essence of it is to remember and honor the dead. Death is frightening. To be conscious matter is very special, and to lose your consciousness and become one with the energy of the universe again is a terrifying thought. Spending time with your ancestors in a graveyard can help you to confront death, so that it is not so frightening. If you do not know about your ancestors and have no one to honor, that is okay. You can confront death in any way you like, so long as you don’t harm yourself or someone else. It is a day to look into the face of skulls and realize that you are mortal. If you do it right, this holiday will help you appreciate the time you have as a conscious sack of meat, before you are separated back into energy and inert matter again.
Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 14th)
This holidays honors the roots of Pastafarianism, and how it came from a place of pirates and beer volcanos. The way we got here matters, and on the 14th of September, you may raise your flagon of ale and call people scurvy dogs to your hearts content. You may also choose to use this day to Pasthelasize (to spread the Holey word of His Noodliness The Flying Spaghetti Monster to those who have not yet heard it.) If you decide to do this, remember to be kind. It is not the fault of others that they do not know about His greatness yet.
Single’s Day (February 13th)
This is a holiday that exists already in some cultures. In South Korean, for example, it is called Black Day. It is a holiday for those people who are not existing as part of a pair. On this day, you should take yourself out for pasta by yourself. Or, if you prefer, you can stay in and make yourself a nice pasta meal at home. Whatever you do, treat yourself and remember that you are worthy of love.
Valentine’s Day (February 14th)
If you are in a long-term relationship, things can become routine. You may forget to take time for one another. This is a holiday that gives you an excuse to do a special thing. His Noodliness is not all that sure if humans mashing their genitals together is holy, you they seem to really love it. So if you have a consenting partner, today is the day to value them, and then do stuff to them.
Parent’s Day (January 15th)
Some cultures already have a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day. However, others do not. Whatever the case, this is a day when we honor those who have made the decision to breed, and we thank them for making more humans. The best way to celebrate it is to babysit for someone who has children so they can go out on their own. Raising children is a demanding path, and the human who choose this path don’t get to do a lot of other things. Therefore, it is important that we give them a day to go out, be themselves for a moment, and have fun.
Children’s Day (August 11th)
Some cultures already have a day to celebrate children. However, some do not. It is important that we set aside a day that is all about playing with children and teaching them. Once upon a time, there was little else to do besides play with children, and they grew up fed on the attention and interaction that helped their brains to grow. Now, many people are busy and children spend a lot of time gazing at screens. This is not always bad, but a certain amount of direct interaction with adults is necessary. Take this day to tell children stories about the way things were when you were young, teach them about things that you love, and in general help them by giving them life advice. All of society benefit when children grow up well-educated and well-socialized.
Pet’s Day (Jan 20th)
This is a day to celebrate your pets. Take your dog for a walk. Buy your turtle a strawberry. Give your iguana a bath. Clean your fish tank. Keeping animals as pets is something that humans have been doing for thousands of years, and the bonds that are formed with them are important. In every relationship, there is a lesson to be learned. Pets teach children responsibility, and when they die, they give parents an opportunity to talk about death. They teach us about unconditional love, and sometimes, they teach us about making hard choices. The FSM encourages you to have a pet of some kind, and to learn to care for it and bond with it. Pets are important.
Geek Pride Day (May 25th)
The Flying Spaghetti Monster was may have come from space, but he chose to take the form of pasta and spread his word. It was the geeks who first heard the word, and they should have a day to celebrate themselves. Play a trivia game. Watch your favorite cult classic. Be proud to be a geek.
New Year’s Day (Jan 1st)
On New Year’s Day (or Lunar New Year in Asia) humans celebrate the successful completion of another orbit around the sun. It is a time to take stock in your life, and to decide what things are working for you, and what things are not. His Noodliness hopes you won’t be too hard on yourself. He also hopes that you will remember not to drive drunk, because killing people with your car is bad. (Actually, except for defective or unwanted pre-humans, he feels pretty against killing most of the time.)
Things to note
First, the holidays are not presented in alphabetical or calendar order. I am sure that they would be easier to search if they were, but the FSM told them to me in this order, so I kept them that way. However, I made a handy cheat sheet with all the holidays arranged in calendar order just for you!
Second, it is important for you to know that Pastafarianism is an inclusive religion. Humans are meant to be able to add it on to their regular life if you wish. Ergo, it is fine to celebrate holidays that have not been ordained by His Noodliness The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
However, there are some holidays that he takes exception to. For example, he does not like the date of Australia Day (celebrating Captain Cook landing in Australia) or Columbus Day (celebrating Columbus landing in North America.) These holidays celebrate colonialism and teach people to overlook the tragedy that followed colonization by foreign invaders. Even now, when Native populations are doing their best to live in harmony with those who came to colonize, it does not do to celebrate this sad part of history. Those dates should be days of memorial for the deaths of the Native people at the hands of disease and massacre brought to their shores.
His Noodliness is also not a fan of Christmas, because it promotes consumerism. Many a parent has gone broke trying to get their children presents that are as good as their friends get, and that is one of the great tragedies of this age. No one should celebrate consumerism and buy things because they feel obligated. No one should go into debt to try to prove their love, either. If you do choose to buy gifts for your children on this holiday, please explain to them that you don’t want them to feel left out of a tradition that their friends participate in, but that the underlying requirement of gift giving on Christmas is unethical at its core. Gifts should be given freely; not because of a date on a calendar.
If you want to give gifts, the best day to do it is on a person’s birthday. It has become too commonplace to celebrate a person’s birthday with no more than a post on social media. However, a person’s birthday is the most important day of the year for them. It is the one day that is not about anyone else. The sole purpose is to celebrate that person existing. If you care about a person, take the time to send them a card or see them in person to celebrate their birthday. Buy or bake a cake. The FSM loves cupcakes, so you might consider them. His Noodliness doesn’t want you to go to pieces about it, but His birthday is June 25th. In lieu of gifts, please feel free to do something nice for someone else on that day.
And finally, remember that it’s absolutely fine to celebrate any and all holidays you want. The Unitarian Church of Pasta is an inclusive church. If you want to celebrate Lunar New Year, A Lantern Festival, or a Color Festival, then you should! Just because something is not a Pastafarian holiday, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. His Noodliness actually quite enjoys Easter Egg hunts and chocolate rabbits, so He celebrates Easter. Not the Jesus stuff, mind you; just the candy and eggs bit.
The takeaway here is that holidays are important. Some years, you may be tired and feel like saying “Bah Humbug!” However, His Noodliness asks that you do your best to celebrate as many holidays as you can. You don’t have to go too far out of your way to buy a pie on Pi Day or get a new house plant on Pastival. And, doing something that shakes up your routine can feel better than you might think. Above all else, don’t take anything too seriously. Life is no fun if you are always stressed out.